Project 1 - Microexpressions Training

Project 2 - Two Truths and A Lie


L E T T E R  H O M E


To home - 

I’ve been here a while, but I don’t think I’ve settled in yet. It’s unclear to me because I don’t even know what I don’t know. Unlike the other places I’ve been, the map of the city shows blurry boundaries so I really can’t imagine what the end goal is. Or perhaps I haven’t decided. 

The road to this unclarified goal, however, is so clear. There’s one training. There are many sections of the training. But there is only one. 

As I carefully attend to faces of anger, of surprise, of disgust flash on pictures on my screen, I feel like I’m training for the olympics by running on a treadmill. Isn’t there more? The process of learning is not dynamic or fun after the hundredth face. I’m slow moving and it’s frustrating. 

I’m craving a teacher relationship like I have in my other foreign home. I want to interact. I want to be seen as a beginner. I want to be seen when I succeed. I want to be seen when I fail. I want to be held accountable to learn. I want to know my progress. I want to be told what to do next. And I want to be laughed at when I get something wrong. 

I’m growing tired of the treadmill and not sure if I’m heading anywhere. I naively thought that this training would allow me to interact with people differently in my everyday life. I haven’t spotted a microexpression once yet. 

I feel like a pre-beginner. Not even a beginner yet. I’m still at point zero and haven’t budged. Like I’ve walked around the whole city but haven’t absorbed anything because every block is the same. The same angry face over and over. Or maybe a new angry face, which I only know because they tell me it’s different. 

This doesn’t feel fun. Or exciting. Or electrifying. Based on what I knew from afar, I fantasized about all those feelings. And now we just finished our first date and I don’t want to put in effort to find time for another one. I haven’t fully let go of the fantasy, though, so I’m gonna keep texting to keep him interested.